xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
