You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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