Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
