i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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