i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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