I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
