That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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