Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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