i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
