Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
