im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
