oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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