...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize