ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
