I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
