I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
