I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
