I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
