he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
