Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
