Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy

(1-602): View more from Arizona

amen to that sister

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(803): View more from South Carolina

that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars

(1-252): View more from North Carolina

I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers

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(802): View more from Vermont

He's yummy.

(613): View more from Ontario

HE'S GAY. AND 40.

(802): View more from Vermont

Irrelevant.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.

(303): View more from Colorado

That's all I've ever wanted.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.

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(815): View more from Illinois

"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss

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