the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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