Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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