I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
