Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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