Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
