so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
