Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You work out of a Hotel?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
