Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
