Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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