He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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