just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
