you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
