I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
