So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
