I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
