She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
