..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize