Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
