I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sorry about my life...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
