my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize