I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
