You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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