why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
