Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
