when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize