I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
