yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Life is so much better after having sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
