You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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