apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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