Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
