would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Your dad touched me again.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
