Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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