Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
