you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
