just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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