I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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