dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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