We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
