I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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