he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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