HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
