I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
