Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
