And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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