I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
