im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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