Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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